GRUBBY PONY

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Grubby has created a zine, a wee book, an anthology, call it what you will. It is lovely and funny and moving and lavishly illustrated with G's own collages. Stuff you'll see on this site plus new stuff. If you'd like a copy you need to pay him £5 and DM him on Insta (click the logo above).... 

PASTA AND TURMOIL

A win

Boruk bought a football team.
He had always liked the scarves, pies and noises.

He also liked the funny players playing their silly game.
He also turned out to be really good at the whole business.

He got the team promoted with a new manager and went on a famous cup run.

Nowadays, there is a statue of him by the burger van.


A shame

Annie fell in love with suspect No.3.
It was awkward because she was 90% sure that was the man who robbed her.


A cow

A slow walk up the slope was all she could manage.

The wind would not let her go any faster.

She turned behind and looked at her little-one.

Eyes batting away flies that weren’t there.


A migration

A migrating bird overslept
They had all gone when he awoke
He flew southward on instinct
His wings already feeling the strain


A let down

Simon had spent thousands on plastic surgery, which made it all the harder when the director told him he hadn’t got the part


A clown

‘No one owes you anything’ shouted the clown on the street corner
His make-up fading in the rain


A song

Ryan wrote a song for his daughter.

‘Why don’t I get a song?’, said his other daughter

‘Because you’re not very inspiring’, said Ryan.


A conversation

‘Rome wasn’t built in a day’

‘This isn’t Rome though, it’s a buggy. You’ve had four weeks’


[]


A truth

Art is easy until you have to do something good.


A baptism

The grey heron led an egret down to the riverbank.
Heads bobbing in solemn silence.
Legs stalking forward.
Ecclesiastical elegance.

A minutes’ silence, then the heron dips egrets face into the brown water.


A try

Josie didn’t know which card to get so she got both.

She wrote one, attempting swagger, then threw it away
She wrote another slowly, awkwardly, crushingly.
Each word as tortured as the next.

Then popped a stamp on and shoved it in the post.
Eager to forget the whole business.

 

A metaphor

Step into the world raw and vulnerable.
Soft, podgy, pink skin.

Then grow an armour and grow a shell.
Grow big, grow tall.

But do not lose the podgy skin.
The point of armour is to protect something.


A mistake

‘Born Slippy’ came on at the wedding and cousin Mark reached for the mic.
“Wait for it, wait for it!” he implored the audience.
His arms were low but getting higher.
The uncles at the back of the room mouthed “there’s no drop, no drop”.
They started doing that cutting motion at their throats.
Mark only took this as encouragement.


A moment

Flight 457 was cruising at 7000ft.
The time was 4am somewhere.
A warm glow dipped over the horizon.
Carpeted clouds sunk deep below.


Aneurism

Greg thought about too many things and had an aneurism.


Guernsey

Jim swam to Guernsey.

He stood dripping in the town centre, assuming someone would come and ask him where he had come from at some point.

But he dried quickly and his Speedos started to grip.

He became self-conscious and slunk back into the water.

A long journey back home.


[]


A publication

Brian self-published a book on Amazon and, to the surprise of fucking nobody, failed to sell 10 copies.


A wank

Doug briefly thought that being involuntarily celibate was at least better than being voluntary incelibate, then quickly realised his mistake and had another painful wank.


A striker

Harrison was the top goal scorer at his club and always bought post-game shots in the clubhouse.
He had a bullseye tattooed on his elbow which he tried to incorporate into celebrations.

But at half-past two on a Tuesday, you could find him carefully folding sheets and making cups of teas in the local care home.

He liked old people and felt at peace talking to them


A mistake

Blatantly, Robin hadn’t read the instructions.
Blatantly, he wasn’t going to admit it.

The family spent the winter sitting on a sofa with no back and 3 arm rests.


A ploy

Suzi snuck a hammer into the theatre and tried to finish her birdbox during the loud bits.


A glint

Somewhere in the woods the life shifts on its axis.
A quiver of grey in the dark green.

It’s not the solution but its miles away from the problem.


[]


A rot

Susan wrote down a good idea.

But it sat there mouldering – looking twice as bad as when she thought it.
Degenerating at an alarming speed.

It now looked like shit.


A triumph

Rollover hotdogs were only the third best thing about Arianna’s weekend.


A pang

Amy felt an instinctive pang towards the celebrity being interviewed on the news.
She briefly daydreamed of their imaginary friendship.
They would cook for each other and watch baseball.

Amy turned the telly off and went to bed.


A hunt

Jones became too old to hunt so became hunted.


A preference

I like it when nature falls in on itself.
When it cannot bear its own weight.
Tangled, bowed and thorny.


[]


A consequence

George started yarn-bombing his local lampposts.
Four arson attacks later, he stopped.


A deal

Michael wanted something for nothing, but everywhere he went, people wanted something for something.

After deducting travel and accommodation, Michael ended up with nothing for something.


A renunciation

At 11:32 on a quiet Thursday morning, just outside Greggs, Sally Perkins renounced God.


A growth

‘Snake eyes’ grew up as ‘Graham’


A cheat

David watched Hollyoaks on double speed but didn’t know what he was saving the time for.


[]

A thought

John ate four apples and went to bed.
He thought about what he had done that day then placed a toothpick in his eye.
“It’s only Tuesday”, John thought.
“And I’m out of toothpicks”.


A fact

Jane cooks cherry tomatoes on an open flame.
Juice spits up into her eye.
Jane spits back.


A venture

Turns out nothing about owning your own pub is fun.
Terry was bankrupt, ill and hated all his friends.


A gamble

Michael gambled.
Go out. Find a bar. See what happened.

3 slow pints later he wandered back home.


A tribute

Ray adored The Day of the Dead.
The art, food, music – just the whole vibe.
He did his best to recreate the parade in his Stevenage flat.


A reset

Paul re-arranged his favourites bar.
New sites, new priorities.

He wondered whether he still needed so many dating sites.


A party

Simon knew three people at the party and liked one of them.
His wife had asked him to make an effort with her friends so Simon lingered by the booze.
He ended up offering a couple free use of his houseboat.
Simon did not have a house boat.

Back at home, Simon lay in bed wondering why things like this always happened to him.

“Because you’re a cunt”, said his wife, able to read his thoughts.


A realisation

Lucy ran fast to the shop and even faster home.
When she got to her front door, she found no reason to stop running.